did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize