I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
