Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
