It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
