I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
