He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
