who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
