we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nutella sex= disaster
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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