My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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