a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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