Just fell off a train. Bad.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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