Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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