Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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