What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
how does that bad decision feel?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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