I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
