my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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