omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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