I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
