New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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