My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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