did you get engaged???
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
