I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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