i jhust puked up my retainher.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They have beer where we have blood.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
