I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
