I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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