I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This is classic penis vs brain.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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