When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
