i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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