Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
