This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
