went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
