I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
