yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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