My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
