Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
