def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
