flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
