my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
