Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
