lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
