i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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