well I can't set my house on fire every night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
