So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
