I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
