Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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