my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
