is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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