she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
