I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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