So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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