I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
being pregnant is like rehab
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
