come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
