Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize