the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
