I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
