I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize