I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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