his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
