There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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