My girlfriend figured out who you are.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
