I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
