That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want her autograph on my taint
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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