The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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