I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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