There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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