How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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