the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also, beer. Big fan.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
