Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
