But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
