I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
